I. A Father’s Decision
Pain! Excruciating pain! Jee-Ling found herself walking on a bridge made of knives, broken glasses, and burning fire. A blurry image of someone at the end of the bridge was waving at her and also calling her name…
“Miss – Miss – Miss, Jee-Ling! It’s Chen Ma, are you awake? Good news, I have good news for you. I am coming inside now.”
The heavy knocks on the door and the calling woke up Jee-Ling . For a moment, she didn’t know where she was. Seeing the heavy snowfall outside after Chen Ma opened her door made her realize that she’d experienced the same nightmare again. Jee-Ling wiped her tear-streaked face, sat up on her bed and told her beloved nanny:
“Chen Ma, I hurt so much, I don’t think I can bear it anymore. Take the binding strips off right now, I beg of you!”
New tears were swelling up in Jee-Ling’s eyes, now that she was wide-awake, she could feel the burning, piercing pain from her feet once again.“Don’t cry anymore, my precious one. Master ordered me to cut the strips right now! Master and Mistress want to talk with you after I get you all cleaned up.”
“Respectful husband, you just can’t do this! You will ruin our daughter’s life! I know she is your favored child, but no young ladies with unbound feet will be marriageable! Besides what will the relatives and village people say about our daughter? They are still not finished gossiping about you hiring a private tutor for Jee-Ling yet! Listen to me, I went through it, my sisters went through it, my mother went…
” Mister Fong stopped his wife in the middle of her sentence with a hand gesture and a long sigh. “You think I don’t understand the consequences for my decision?! But seeing Jee-Ling suffer for the last two weeks, the howling, the crying, and that pitiful face of hers, I just can’t bear it anymore! She is only six years old; she will have to suffer many more years of the pain: enough! So there is no one to marry her and she will become a spinster! I have enough money to keep her by our side until the day we die! There will be no more discussions on this issue, the decision is made!”
II. The Match
Although not expected to excel in her education, Jee-Ling was always a better student than her younger brother, Jee-Kang, in their private tutor’s sessions. Allowed to learn all of the subjects that her brother learned, she also learned the traditional Chinese readings for ladies per her father’s instruction. Although the teacher Mr. Yao, an old-fashioned Chinese scholar, disagreed with Master Fong’s idea of teaching a girl about literature, history, geography, and bookkeeping, he was impressed by Jee-Ling’s quick mind and eagerness to learn just about anything on the face of the earth. As Jee-Ling grew older, her questions were increasingly bizarre and ridiculous. Mr. Yao often wondered what was wrong with the girl. Why did politics, current events, and stars in the sky matter to Jee-Ling’s sheltered life? To Jee-Ling’s questions he would just reply with his one and only answer to her, “You don’t need to learn this, you silly girl!”
Ever since the foot-binding liberation, Jee-Ling was constantly reminded by people around her that she was destined to be the care taker of her family members, servants, and the field hands from her father’s massive cotton field. Besides studying with Mr. Yao, Jee-Ling spent a lot of time helping her mother and the family cook feed the field hands and care for their families. Among all the virtues that a proper young lady should possess, she particularly enjoyed sewing. By the age of sixteen, she became the best seamstress in the village. People always requested her help in making the Bai Jia Bei (100 good wishes quilt) for newborn babies or the silk bedding sets for weddings.
Late night was Jee-Ling’s favorite time. She would stay in her room with her door locked and work on her own wedding dress and bedding set. While she knew that no good son of a wealthy family would ever marry her with her unbound feet; she kept her hope. Just like the other young ladies that she helped prepare for their weddings, Jee-Ling dreamed that someday, someone would share her elaborately embroidered silk bedding set with her.
On a cool autumn afternoon, the village’s matchmaker, Mrs. Liang, riding on her little old mule tried to scurry through the busy main street traffic of the city Fong-Bian-Dong. This sight stirred up speculation among the on-lookers on the street. One of them commented, “It seems the matchmaker is heading toward the Fong’s Compound. I have never seen her in such a hurry. I wonder if she has a proposal for the young master Fong? But isn’t he just fourteen or fifteen…?”
There was a lot of commotion out in the courtyard before dinnertime; Jee-Ling paid no attention to it. It must be another business partner of father’s, Jee-Ling thought. After she entered the dining hall, everyone in the room turn their eyes on her and the room became very quiet. Jee-Ling checked her hair and clothes and made sure that there was no sign showing that she had fallen off the cellar roof that afternoon while playing with her brother. She shot Jee-Kang a hard look for the trick he’d played on her and found a peculiar grin on his face. Then she realized the same grin was on the servants’ faces as well. What had happened? Who was the visitor? Just as Jee-Ling was about to ask those questions, her father started talking…
“Jee-Ling, come and sit at the table, I have something to discuss with you.” Mister Fong then waved at the servants and ordered them all to leave the dining hall. “Daughter, how old are you now?” Mister Fong asked.
Jee-Ling took a look at her mother before she answered the question. Mistress Fong seemed about to burst into tears, yet there was a smile on her face. “Father, I am eighteen years old this year.” Jee-Ling replied.
“The village’s matchmaker, Mrs. Liang left not long ago. She has a proposition for you. There is a Liu family from Fang-Yo-Twen, which is about 80 miles north from our town. It is right on the boarder between Henan and Hebei provinces. The Lius used to own a lot of land, but lost most of it from the big draught ten years ago. Mister Liu and Mistress Liu both died last year. Their only son is twenty-two years old now, he is educated and is a good man. He doesn’t mind that you have unbound feet; he just need a wife who can help him to manage his household, a small sorghum field, and one servant. The man doesn’t have a lot to offer for your Bride Price (Betrothed Money); but I don’t mind. You will get a good sum of dowry, which will help you both out after your wedding. Jee-Ling, this kind of offer doesn’t come across often, although the Liu family’s wealth cannot compare with ours; but it is a reputable family according to Mrs. Liang. Most importantly, you will be the Mistress of the house right after the wedding and there are no in-laws to order you around. What do you think, my daughter?”
Jee-Ling looked around the table. Everyone stared at her while she contemplated her answer. At first her eyes widened in disbelief, then the blush covering her face reflected her embarrassment, finally tears started trickling down her face. “Father, I am grateful to hear about this marriage offer, however, if I accept the marriage proposal, who is going to take care of you and mother?”
“Silly child, your mother and I still have Jee-Kang and all the servants with us,” Mister Fong took a glance over the red-eyed servants peeking through the window and the rest of his family members sitting at the table, “Don’t you worry about us. The war with Japanese just started, who knows when they will come to our village. You are a young woman; it is not safe to stay here.”
Jee-Ling slipped back to silence again for what seemed like a long time. In the end, she decided she would have to put her destiny in Buddha’s hands. As soon as she realized every one was still staring at her, she forced a smile and straightened her shoulders, “Father, yes, I will accept this marriage arrangement but I have one request, no, two requests, I want Chen Ma to come with me to Fang-Yo-Twen and I want to know my future husband’s name.”
Liu Yung-Ching was pacing outside his bedroom. All the alcohol he consumed from the wedding banquet didn’t help to calm his nerves. He remembered the matchmaker told him that his new bride was smart, tall, and a great seamstress; but nothing was mentioned about her looks. “What if she has smallpox scars all over her face? What if she is a spoil-rotten wealthy girl with a bad temper? Oh, good heavens, why did I agree with this marriage arrangement? I should have stayed in Beijing and joined the Army!”
Mrs. Liang and Yung-Ching’s long-time family servant, Lao Huang, showed up with the new bride’s nanny – Chen Ma. All three of them staggered a little from their drinking at the wedding banquet. Mrs. Liang padded Yung-Ching’s back and spoke with a louder than usual tone, “Master Liu, the night is getting old; don’t waste the precious time on your wedding night! What are you waiting for? Congratulations to you! We wish you a long and harmonious marriage and have a son soon!” Yung-Ching got pushed into his bedroom and the door was locked from the outside right away.
Jee-Ling was nervous and extremely tired. Her back hurt so bad from sitting straight in the sedan chair earlier in the day and now on the wedding bed. She heard what Mrs. Liang said outside of the door and her face flushed underneath the Gai Tou (head covering cloth). Jee-Ling knew very little about her husband; so far she knew he was the only child of a once wealthy family; he had to drop out of the university in Beijing and had gone home to take care of the family land after his parents died. Also, from what she could see from under the Gai Tou during the ceremony, he had long legs and a pair of very big feet.
Yung-Ching finally gathered enough courage to perform the last part of the wedding ritual which was uncovering his bride’s Gai Tou and serving her wine before they were to go to bed together. Yung-Ching used the steelyard stick to uncover Jee-Ling’s Gai Tou and found her sitting at the edge of the bed with her head lowered down. He couldn’t make out what her face looked like from the dimmed illumination of an oil lamp. However, he was quite sure that she didn’t have smallpox scars on her face, what a relief!
Yung-Ching went to a nearby table and poured the special wedding wine into two small cups. He carried the cups to the bed and sat next to Jee-Ling. He offered the wine to his bride. “Here is our wedding wine, cheers!” He clanked his cup with his bride’s cup and for the very first time he had a chance to take a good look at his bride’s raised face.
Yung-Ching’s hand stopped in mid-air and his gaze was fixed on Jee-Ling’s face. He didn’t move. Tension filled the air between them, Jee-Ling’s anxiety was building as she too looked into Yung-Ching’s face. Finally Jee-Ling broke the silence by saying “Cheers!” Yung-Ching shook his head slightly. “I am sorry, I just have never seen any one with such beautiful skin like yours before!” He swallowed the wine in one gulp. “Your name is Fong Jee-Ling, correct?”
“Yes, Mister Liu.” Jee-Ling finished the wine in two sips. In her heart, what she really wanted to say was “Yes, Mister Liu, you are the most handsome man I have ever seen.” “You can call me Yung-Ching when we are alone, Jee-Ling.” He hefted the wine bottle and refilled both their cups. “I hope you will like your new home here.” He turned and raised his cup to Jee-Ling. “I will try very hard to be a good husband to you!” He looked into Jee-ling’s eyes and waited for her reply. “I will do the same and try to be a good wife to you, Yung-Ching.” The two newlyweds drank their wedding wine simultaneously and both vowed silently to keep their promises as long as they should live.
The first year of marriage between Yung-Ching and Jee-Ling was a happy union. The young handsome couple were well liked by the people in Fang-Yo-Twen. Jee-Ling not only was a great mistress of the house; she was also a great help with the family sorghum business.
Yung-Ching acted preoccupied when he received a letter from Beijing. Jee-Ling knew their sorghum crop got a very good price this year due to the food shortage from the war against Japanese. “What is bothering him? I need to find out tonight!”
“Jee-Ling, I have something to discuss with you.” Yung-Ching extended his hand to Jee-Ling and sat her down next to him in their bedroom. “Are you feeling alright? What is bothering you?” Jee-Ling never saw such a serious look on her husband face and she ended her questions with a trembling tone.
“Jee-Ling, our country now is beset with multiple wars. The Japanese have occupied Shanghai, Nanking, and part of Shanxi; the Communist and warlord armies are fighting with our government and among themselves. Everywhere the soldiers go, the land was stripped, the women were violated, and the men were killed. I have to do something. I want to join the National Revolutionary Army and fight!”
“But, Yung-Ching, my father always said China has seen so many wars where the soldiers have never bothered the civilians in countryside. Why do you want to put your life in danger? If you join the army, what am I suppose to do? Who is going to take care of our land?”
“Jee-Ling, my friend from Beijing informed me in this letter that Japanese troops are heading south toward Henan any time now. I am afraid very soon they will be at our front door! Haven’t you heard the Nanking Massacre? 3,000,000 people died from that! Joining the army to become a soldier is my way to protect our country, our land, and especially you!”
The despair in Yung-Ching’s voice washed over Jee-Ling, and she immediately tried to reassure him. “Go, do what you think is right! I will be fine with Lao Huang and Chen Ma by my side. If things get worse, I can always go back and stay with my parents. Don’t worry about me. Just promise me that you will come back to me safely!” Yung-Ching choked back his tears. “I love you, Jee-Ling, I don’t deserve you!”
One year later, Jee-Ling was sitting in the study staring at the endless darkness outside of the window with a telegram in her hands. On the desk, there was a pile of letters. They were very fragile from being read and handled so many times. Chen Ma came in the study and whispered. “My dear, what on earth are you doing sitting in the dark? It’s dinnertime now; do you want me to bring your food to you?”
“Chen Ma?” Jee-Ling called. “Do you think he knew that he was going to become a father?” “Miss, you have to stop doing this for the sake of little Miss, Huei-Yun. I am quite sure Master Liu received your letter before he d…” The old faithful servant stopped in the middle of her sentence. “Let’s don’t talk about this anymore, I’ll go get your dinner, I’ll be right back.”
There were knockings on the door. “Jee-Ling, it’s your father, can I come in?” “Come in please, father, what are you doing up so late?” Jee-Ling opened her bedroom door and let her father in. Mister Fong sat himself on a chair and cleared his throat. “I saw your light is still on so I thought maybe I can come in and chat with you.”
“Sit down, my daughter. I remember the last time we talked was the night before your wedding two years ago… ohm, let’s don’t go there now. What I really wanted to say is …uh, since you lost little Huei-Yun a month ago you have not been yourself. I understand that she was the only connection between you and Yung-Ching, the blessed child was only ten months old…” Mister Fong let out a long sigh. “It has been a month now, you don’t speak to anyone, you don’t sleep at night, you haven’t even shed a tear as far as I know. Look at yourself! You are not the daughter I know anymore.” Mister Fong looked at Jee-Ling’s blank face and continued on…”Ever since the Yellow River flooded two years ago, I see more and more refugees going through our village. Our cotton business had to be stopped because all the people who rented our land either left the village or joined the army. I heard the Japanese scout troops already captured the town north of here. I am worrying about you and Jee-Kang. I decided to send both of you to Kaifeng, Henan province, the day after tomorrow. Your mother’s sister is married to a high-ranking officer in the National Revolutionary Army. They will keep you both safe.”
All in a sudden, Jee-Ling’s vacant eyes looked alive again. “Father, how about you and mother? Why don’t you come with us?” Smiling, Mister Fong replied, “We are old, child. We will only slow you down. Besides, we have to take care what is left of our land and make sure it is still here when you two return. Don’t worry, the soldiers come and go, the land is always here. We will see each other again soon. Remember, no matter what, you and your bother have to stay together. Never let anything or anyone to put your spirit down. You are a smart kid. When you think you are at a dead end I trust you will always find a way out. Don’t forget your last name is Fong!”
Mister Fong used his sleeve to wipe away the tears in his eyes. “Alright, enough of this, I have to go to bed now. Your mother and I have a group of refugees to feed tomorrow. Good night!” Mister Fong hastily left his daughter’s bedroom.
Jee-Ling saw her father walked out of the door. Suddenly, it all became too much for her to bear, and she began to sob from heartache and loneliness. Although she tried, she couldn’t make herself stop crying. She sat down at her bed and stared at the embroidered dragon and phoenix on the silk pillows she made years ago until her tears were spent. Much to her surprise, weeping had proved to be a healing balm. “Yes, I am a Fong, I have to be strong for my family” Jee-Ling reminded herself before she sank into a slumber.
III. The Second Spring
Kaifeng, Henan, was a vibrant city. Even with the shadow of Japanese soldiers lurking in the next province, it was still bustling with all kind of merchants on the street. The only hint of the approaching war was the sight of the constant marching soldiers along the main streets.
Jee-Ling was crouching next to a small coal-burning stove in the middle of a Si-He-Yuan (courtyard compounds) and tried to cook the only meal of the day for both herself and her brother. Jee-Kang was standing nearby with his arms crossed. “Sister, not the rice soup and cabbage again! Can we buy some meat?” Jee-Ling gave her brother a stern look. “Come over here and carry the pot to our room right now!” After they sat down next to a make-shift table, Jee-Kang apologized to her sister. “Sister, I am sorry. I am just so hungry. If I paid more attention and didn’t lose all the money to a pick-pocket on our way here, we’d be eating much better right now.” “Don’t worry, Jee-Kang. Once we find where our uncle and aunt went, we will be just fine. Come on; eat your meal while it is still hot. Once you get some food in your stomach, you’ll feel better.” Jee-Ling gave her brother an encouraging smile but deep in her heart she knew the chances of finding their relatives in Kaifeng were minimal.
Jee-Ling and Jee-Kang have been living in Kaifeng for six months now. Jee-Ling was able to make a living out of doing soldiers’ laundry and making cloth-shoes and clothes for people. She desperately tried to contact her parents but she never received a response to her many letters. The only news she had of her hometown was from a customer who hailed from a town was only twelve miles from Fong-Bian-Dong. Jee-Ling’s hometown was now occupied by the Japanese army. Jee-Ling looked skyward and asked: “What am I suppose to do now? Dear Buddhas in heaven, what should I do now?”
Chang Jing-Fang, a middle school principal and a consistent customer of Jee-Ling’s came knocking on the door one day. “Jee-Ling, I have a great proposition for you. I know that you are in desperate need of money and protection for you and your brother. A close friend of my husband’s recently just lost his wife to Tuberculosis. He has two children; a sixteen-year-old daughter and a thirteen-year-old son. He is from Tianjing, Hebei, the same province we are from. He is college educated and a colonel in the army. His name is Bai Sho-Peng. He needs a wife to take care of his children because he is now fighting the war somewhere in the north. If you agree to marry him, you will be well-provided for and you will have a military orderly to help you to run the household. What do you say, Jee-Ling?”
Jee-Ling met her future husband for the first time in front of a city hall clerk on a Wednesday morning. Colonel Bai was wearing his military uniform and appeared to be a very serious man. He only took a look at Jee-Ling once then ordered everybody to proceed with the civil wedding ceremony. Chang Jing-Fang’s husband and another stern-looking officer were the witnesses of the marriage. Jee-Kang was standing next to his sister with a solemn face. Jee-Ling took a look at her brother before she signed the wedding certificate. “Buddhas in heaven, please let this marriage be a lasting one.”
After the awkward ceremony, Jee-Ling and Jee-Kang were escorted to a big house. It was outside of the city with very tall walls. They were greeted by the friendly orderly, Lao Jiang, and the Colonel’s children, the daughter, Jia-Ming and the son, Jia-Fu.
Lao Jiang prepared a wonderful meal for the occasion. Everybody at the table tried to maintain a civil manner and silently finished the meal. After lunch, the Colonel ordered his children to go back to their rooms. “Jee-Ling, could you follow me to my study? Jee-Kang, Lao Jiang will show you to your room.”
Once they stepped into the study, Jee-Ling noticed there was a tray of tea and sweets already placed on the table. “Would you like to have a cup of tea?” Colonel asked politely. “No, thank you, Colonel.” Colonel Bai took a look at Jee-Ling. “I don’t have much time left. In one hour, I will have to catch the train and go to a location that I cannot disclose to you. Are you satisfied with your new home?“ The Colonel asked the question with his back turned and poured himself a cup of tea. “Yes, Colonel” said Jee-Ling. She was quite intimidated by his authoritative and confident mannerism. “You don’t have to call me colonel; you can call me Mister Bai if you want. Jee-Ling, I am not a bad man, please don’t be afraid of me. I am very busy with the military. I will be gone a lot during our marriage. I expect you take good care of my children and yourself. Should you need anything just let Lao Jiang know, he will know how to get hold of me. I hate to leave you like this on our wedding day but I will have to get ready for the trip now. Lao Jiang will be waiting for you at the dining room. He will bring you to our bedroom. I will see you soon. Goodbye.”
The second time Jee-Ling saw her husband was three months later. This time he stayed for over a month. She found out under the veneer of severity, Mister Bai actually was a very good father and a caring husband. He was seventeen years older than Jee-ling. He was not a talkative person but had very expressive big eyes. She liked him out of the respect for his intelligence and his kindness toward her brother.
After becoming the ‘Mistress Bai,’ Jee-Ling once resumed her serene life as a wife. With the Colonel’s help, four months after they married, she learned that her parent’s fate. Her father was accused of resisting Japanese’s orders and executed in front of his own home. Her mother disappeared after the execution and no one knew of her whereabouts.
IV. The Journey
“Mistress! Mistress! Hurry up! We have to go get Jia-Fu from his school! The Japanese are coming!” The faint noise of bomb explosions accompanied Lao Jiang’s shouting words. Jee-Ling packed a small brief case and jumped into the waiting military car in a hurry.
“Lao Jiang, where is Jia-Ming, how do we get her?” Jee-Ling asked in a panic tone. “The Japanese bombed the bridge, Miss’s boarding school is on the other side of the bridge. I think her teachers will take good care of her.” Lao Jiang answered with an assuring voice, which calmed Jee-Ling temporarily. “OK, let’s go in town; you can drop me off at the bookstore where Jee-Kang works, then go get Jia-Fu. Meet us in front of the city hall office, this way we are close to the train station, Go!”
It has been three hours now, Jee-Ling and Jee-Kang haven’t seen the familiar car. “Jee-Kang, take your train ticket and go, I will wait for Jia-Fu and Lao-Jiang.” “But sister, father said we can never separate from each other, I will wait with you” “No, Jee-Kang, you go ahead get on the train, I will be on the next train, I promise you, go now!” Jee-Kang took a final glance at his sister and walked away.
It’s the summer of 1948, Jee-Ling woke up from another nightmare. After she realized that she was sleeping in an abandoned Buddhist temple close to a sea port in Guangdong province, she was relieved. For the last fourteen months, she followed the fellow refugees traveling from city to city, province to province, sometimes by train; most of the time by foot. She lost contact with all her friends and family members. The only hope for her now was to go to Hong Kong. There might be a chance that she could find her brother or husband or a seat on the ship to Taiwan. But she was so tired and hungry. She barely could sit up from underneath the broken alter table. Suddenly she saw a vision of her father standing by the door. “Jee-Ling, go to Hong Kong, hurry! The last boat to Hong Kong is leaving!. Jee-Ling, you came this far, don’t give up, stand up and walk!”
Jee-Ling gathered the last bit of her strength and stepped out of the temple. There were dead bodies along the road, she was used to the stench and the sight. She stepped over the bodies and followed the people who were heading toward the sea port. “Hong Kong, here I come!”
There were beggars, prostitutes, and thieves on every dark corner of the streets in Hong Kong. Jee-Ling was not one of them. She would wait until the outdoor markets were closed and picked up whatever she could find from the market floor to fill her stomach. Everyday she would go to the shipyard to see if there was a seat for her on the government ship sailing to Taiwan. Everyday, she would came back to the dirty and dingy market disappointed.
V. The Home
It was getting close to winter; Jee-Ling shivered in the strong sea wind and walked the route she has traveled for five months now. After another disappointing response from the shipyard office clerk, she heard someone calling out her former title. “Is that you Mistress Bai?” Jee-Ling turned around and saw the stern-face man who was her marriage witness and fellow officer of Colonel Bai’s. “Yes, it is I, Jee-Ling, Colonel Bai’s wife.” Jee-Ling answered eagerly. The man looked at her with a disbelieving expression and shouted out. “Oh, I can’t believe this! It is you, Mistress Bai. Colonel is a Lieutenant General now! He and his children are in Taiwan! Come with me, let me arrange a ticket for you.”
Jee-Ling could almost see the shoreline of Keelong, Taiwan from her ship. “This is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen! Father, I didn’t give up! I finally found my home! With your blessing, I will find Jee-Kang too!”
Chien-Huei's World 